The Grit

Here we go. This is the post. I haven’t actually written a title for this post yet because I know it’s going to be a long one and we’ll see where it ends up. But I can tell you one thing for sure, I’m not going to hold back.

I want to start by saying this isn’t anyone’s fault. This isn’t the fault of men or women or your dad or your mum. No one person failed you with this because it’s a seismic shift that’s happened in such a relatively short amount of time in the West.

Men are no longer good enough for women. That is a general statement because in general this is now true. I am going to break this down a bit and then explain why if you do the work, you can use this to your advantage.

What women want

This isn’t a scientific paper but I did study this for a degree but I won’t cite sources because I do this for free and it’s effort I’m not willing to put in. Some of this is broscience, vibe and from my experiences and some of it might be complete shit. Just a preface but this is how I view the world and how I view women as a whole. Obviously there are outliers and each women is built from different sets of characteristics but in general I broadly believe this to be accurate.

We evolved to survive. We evolved and are the most successful mammal species on Earth because we are adaptable, which has allowed us to survive many different environmental circumstances over hundreds of thousands of years and women have been there all the way. They may have taken a backseat in some of the big moments in history but in terms of our survival they are invaluable. The set of characteristics that women have to day have led to that survival. We have not changed psychologically since we were hunter gathers so what we are today is what they were back then. We have improved our technology and knowledge but that’s about it. So it’s safe to assume what women want isn’t relevant in the modern world but it doesn’t make it any less valid.

What was important in our hunter gather days? Fitness and resources. You needed children who would be supported and children that would be fit enough to reach maturity and reproduce. Women are security machines. They did not have the means to protect themselves from the fiercest predators. So they needed a man to protect them and feed them whilst they reared the child. That isn’t relevant today but the raw drive is still there. So that’s why men with resources and physical fitness are attractive to women. But here lies the issue. Women would love a man like that but not every man meets the requirements, our sex ratios are roughly 50/50, so there are roughly equal men and women. On the surface it looks like it’s so there is one man for one woman but it’s not the case, tests throughout history have shown that most men did not have children and pass down their genes. Most women did so if you were a betting man, you would just have more women and be done with it. Have the ratio at around 75/25 and things might work out. However, the advantage of being man who is mating is substantial and offsets the risk of not mating at all. These men were having so many kids it is worth the risk and balanced it out. Being male is natures roll of the dice. It’s just the unfortunate case that most men didn’t land on a winning number.

So let’s fast forward to today and look at what’s happening. We are in an assortative mating period. Women are the gatekeepers of sex so they get to decide who mates with them and for how long. We are in an era where women have the right to choose and I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all, as long as you are on the winning side. And if you are not on the winning side today, I want to give you the tools to get there. With the advent of birth control and societal changes, it meant women got to decide when they got pregnant. This means that you were no longer saddled with a child and even if you were society wouldn’t punish you for it. This means that women can have sex with men who would otherwise have left them pregnant and vulnerable without any threat of being abandoned with a baby which was basically a death sentence for one or both of them.

Now I’m not writing a book so I just wanted to give you a flavour of what’s happening. Women want the best mating option and unfortunately, you are not it at the moment. What’s happened in the last 70 or so years is simple. Women do not need men for their resources or security but as a primal drive they still do. Women have always wanted a man they can look up to and depend on but the bar used to be much lower. As long as you had a job and were kind, you were in with a shot for the last couple of hundred years. Now you have women out earning men before the age of 30, they are more mature and collect more resources as they are security machines. So here we are today, women with more money than men, looking for a man that they respect and value. But they can’t find one, only a very small percentage of men fit the bill these days. Women don’t need men for pretty much anything anymore, so what’s left? We still have our drives, we still have the same triggers for attraction but the bar has been raised much higher. It’s not women’s fault, it’s just their nature. The challenge has been set and you have the decide whether you want to meet it or give up.

Women have taken their stance. They are not going to drop their standards. They’d sooner let the human race die out than mate with substandard men. Read that again. Look in the mirror and take that shit personally if it applies to you. You are substandard and not worth mating with as you are today. Many men have given up but the fact that you are reading this tells me you haven’t given up but you may be looking for easy answers.

What can you do to set yourself apart?

Here is where the medals are handed out. It’s very simple. Raise your game. Turn yourself into a desirable modern man. That’s different from what your grandfather was, realistically that guy gets squashed into the mud these days. My grandfather’s worked in a factory and the police and between them they had 19 kids. That’s not happening these days, modern women would eat them alive. It’s like when you watch old sports videos of the best in their craft in the day, Pele, Jesse Owens etc. They were the cream of the crop but if you dropped them as they were then today, they get beaten everytime. Things have changed, the standards have changed so let’s meet that challenge. Too many men look back to better times but you are a human being and you have are have evolved to adapt, so fucking adapt already.

Firstly, the absolute minimum is how you look and present yourself. I will keep it high level but follow the guidelines. Yes, I will repeat, these are a minimum if you want to get your ass in the door.

• Body fat between 10-16% whilst being able to do the following lifts compared to your body weight. Deadlift x1.6, squat x1.3, bench x1.
• Get a fashionable haircut and if you are balding, shave it off or get a transplant if your money allows it. Good hair always makes you look younger.
• Get clothes that fit you and preferably tailored. No massive logos or brands. Keep the clothes generic and cool.
• Make sure your skin in clear so eat clean and do what you need to do to make that happen. See your doctor if necessary.
• Wear lifts if you are short. If women can wear make up, you can wear lifts.
• Stand tall. Slouching is for guys who don’t believe in themselves.
• Get your teeth sorted. Stains and gaps will make women run a mile.
• Get in the mirror and learn how to smile. Smile with your eyes. Learn how to smirk.
• Find someone with a proper professional camera and have some pictures taken.
• Grow a full trimmed beard if possible. If not possible look into ways to do that, especially if you don’t have a strong jawline. A shit beard is minus points so don’t bother with that.

You may never be the most attractive man in the room after completing all this but you may turn yourself from a 3 to a 6 or 7 which will get your foot in the door with these women and that if half the battle. Most women reject men on looks and approach alone so don’t handicap yourself. Having a hot guy avatar is good enough, your face doesn’t even have to look that good if your overall package makes up for it. Once you get that sorted then we can really start looking at the rest.

The next step is the social side of things. I’m going to make some assumptions after speaking to many guys over messages. One is that you are scared shitless of women and don’t even know where to start socially. Now during this process you are going to be uncomfortable as fuck and you will make some people uncomfortable as fuck. Oh well, we’ll all get over it together. You need to do some exercises on firstly just learning how to be social with people in a non sexual context. Then sexual, then get to the point where you can frankly just turn it on when you need to. Being out a practice is a thing but as long as you oil that wheel often enough, you can turn it on. I know I can even after not flirting for a while. You will need to learn how to talk to strange women, attraction, flirt and get them interested in you from nothing. It’s possible for sure. If I drop you in a room with strangers and interview them as they leave, what will they say about you?

Another key point is your mindset. I see too many guys just accepting defeat and allowing themselves to get taken into the defeatist rhetoric you see online. The thing is guys like me love that. I know I can fuck a new girl everyday of the week, whilst guys whinge and moan online. You’re either living life or you’re bitching about it. Before giving up why don’t you give yourself 2 years to improve and I mean 2 years of solid work. After that I give you permission to write all the shit you want. Give yourself 24 months to change and invest in that change. Invest with your money and with your time. Invest in a new look, better food and to for a seat at better tables. Use your time wisely.

Then next area is lifestyle. For the sake of this post I’m going to roll money and status into this but you need to make money and you need to be consistently moving forward. I earn 6 figures and whilst it makes life comfortable, I still feel like I could be doing more and earning more. When I see guy trying to move around on $30k, you know it’s hard to really live life how you need to. Money solves problems. Status is simple, women are very socially driven and love to have a man on their arm who has made something for themselves. Even if it’s just a niche area. You see nerds in niche fields with decent women because they’ve cornered that market.

During the process it’s very easy to get caught up in little traps and allowing your ego to protect you to think you’re doing better than you are. But as far as I’m concerned there’s only a couple of metrics that matter. How many hot girls are you banging and what is the retention rate? That is the best metric on your success in a sentence. Obviously there are flaws with that but if hot girls are sticking around, you are doing something right so it’s easy to measure against. I don’t value phone numbers, promises of fucking, nudes or whatever else. Until she is in your bed and then chasing you down afterwards to keep seeing you, you ain’t shit. Remember it’s a zero sum game. Girls like fucking and they are going to fuck someone, so why not you?