The Grit

Short one today. Just some quick tips/exercises on how you can be more assertive with women. It’s important to be assertive because women respond positively to strength, it’s attractive to them and chances are you are not being assertive enough.

Most of you know the theory but I know you don’t put it into practice so your exercise for the next 2 weeks is to do the below. You will need to grab your balls to do this so if you don’t want to do the work, you may as well pack up and go home. It’s just 2 weeks and if you don’t like it, you can go back to doing what you were doing before. As Pook said many moons ago, rejection is better than regret.

1) Tell don’t ask

No more questions. Tell the girl you want to take her our at X place and at X time. She can accept, reject or counter offer. No sweat. Don’t ask her where she’s from, tell her you think she looks like she’s from XYZ because of ABC. Don’t ask her what she does for work, tell her she looks like she’s an artist/scientist/book nerd who cares but no more questions. What you are learning to do is to imprint your opinion on the world, have your say. This is how you develop a strong frame. “I think this because of this and that.” It brings her into your world rather than you asking a question and slowly sliding into hers.

2) Don’t apologise

If you’re a socially calibrated guy, you’re not doing much wrong. Newsflash women know that guys want to fuck them so don’t apologise for going for what you want. You want to take her on a date and she doesn’t want to. So what? You want to kiss her, tell her you want to kiss her. That girl you’ve been hanging around for years as an emotional blanket, it’s time to make that move buddy. She doesn’t like it? Too bad, you’re going for what you want now. There’s nothing wrong with finding a woman attractive, it’s completely normal and masculine so don’t apologise for it.

3) Be consistent with your message

Do what you say and say what you do. Be goal orientated in your interactions with women and actively work towards them. You’ve been assertive and told her to meet you at Blue Bar on Wednesday at 7:30, she’s there, great. Have a plan in place of what you want. All your actions need to point the same way. Tell her to sit next to you because it’s too loud. Tell her to go and get you a straw and remark on how good she looked as she went to get it. Tell her she’s making it really hard for you not to kiss her. There are 3 things you can use which take some balls to pull off but when they work, they jump you way forward in the interaction.

4) No more bailing her out

Okay I lied, you can ask her 3 one word questions. Why? What? How? Just those words, don’t elaborate any further but use these questions in a disagreeable context. Ramp up the tension when she says something that doesn’t fit your world view. Let’s say she tells you she become a vegan last year and you say “why?” don’t get into a debate, ask then smirk then change the subject. Don’t start nodding or being agreeable with what she’s saying. You sit there, with a neutral face and the only break is a cheeky smirk. You live in your world, not hers.

5) Be ready to walk away

This is my favourite bit because walking away always feels so powerful. You’ve asserted yourself, you’ve made your line in the sand clear and if someone crosses that line, you will not cross it with them. For these 2 weeks, be pigheaded and stubborn. Go too far with it. Fuck them, they won’t be there in 5 years time when you still suck with women and you’re wondering why your life isn’t what you wanted it to be. Have your boundaries and stick to them. That means if she’s not responding to your escalations, you walkaway. Could you be cutting your nose to spite your face? Yes but this is 2 weeks. 2 weeks to get it into your skull that you need to start doing things your way. She doesn’t want to live on your schedule then she doesn’t get the attention and warm feelings that you bring.

6) Body language

Make an effort to stand as tall as possible and use your hands to guide people when you want them to move. If you’ve never done this before, stick to the shoulder area or upper back as it’s not very threatening. If you’ve dabbled before in leading through touch, maybe just take her hand when you’re on a date. It’s a great way to show intent but isn’t directly threatening and won’t cause a big scene socially if she doesn’t buy into it.

Look at women’s reactions to you. Some of them might be things you’ve never experienced before, you might take things a little too far and decide you need to dial it back in 2 weeks time but I guarantee next time, you will take things further than you did previously and be closer to what you want. Long processes like this take time, effort and balls.

Peace,

Anton