I am currently in a relationship and my girlfriend of 9 months said something to me early on in our relationship, which initially set an alarm bell off but then I quickly realised, it wasn’t a bad thing. She has had a couple of relationships before and she openly said to me that I was the first boyfriend that she’s had that she’s respected. I swung that around my head for a bit and was wondering what these other guys were doing because this stuff isn’t hard. Yes, respect has to be earned and it starts at home. If you respect yourself, your girlfriend/partner will follow. My first thought was why were you with someone for so long if you didn’t respect them? I think the answer is nuanced. One part is comfort, after many years you grow familiar with someone. Another factor is control, some women just love to control a man and this is what initially got my spidey senses tingling but then I figured that she didn’t know any better. She hadn’t met a guy who set boundaries, had his shit together and kept her on her toes. Now she has that, she couldn’t imagine life and other way.
I am writing this post today because I met my friend’s girlfriend last night for the second time. The first time meeting I gave her a pass because it’s the first time. But what I noticed instantly is that she has no respect for him. I think she fancies him and he’s bringing something to her life otherwise she wouldn’t be with him but you can tell by looking at her face that the respect isn’t there. They’ve known each other a long time so it’s not a fresh relationship in the sense that they are still getting to know each other. She’s has already done a few things which if my girlfriend did, I would be having a serious talk to her about. She mentioned a few things about his work and how she’s think he’s stagnated and they debated this in front of everyone. As soon as I left with a buddy of mine, I said to him that this girl was too good for our friend and the clock was ticking on how long it would be until she realised it.
When it comes to respect there are a few things to look out for and questions you have to ask yourself:
- Does she see you as the best she can do?
- Does she look up to you?
- Does she talk badly about you?
- How much is she talking back to you?
- Can you get your point across and even if she disagrees she will go with it anyway?
A relationship without respect can last some time but believe me you do not want it to. If you spot signs of disrespect, it’s on you to either fix it, which is hard because sometimes the rot has set too deep or have the balls to call it and move on. Ironically, you leave her will probably lead her to respecting you more and you’ll see a marked change in her behaviour but you should keep walking away. Learn how to carry yourself as someone who commands respect from their woman.
This whole community is aimed at men who are having issues with women and they are having issues because they lack agency. They lack agency because they have a lack of options and they lack options because they need to put in the work to become a better man. It starts by respecting yourself first. Take yourself fucking seriously. Make promises to yourself and keep them. Show up for yourself how you’d want others to show up for you. This is so important and I can’t emphasis it enough. If you aren’t hitting the gym, if you aren’t getting out of toxic behaviour due to a lack of will power, these things will happen to you down the road because you can’t even show up for yourself.
The Grit 